Choices Again?

Haven't had time for this in quite awhile. Taking some classes, working and cats have been in the way. Today I have a quandary though. I have a life decision to make. I am totally at a lose as to what path to choose. The idea of doing both doesn't seem workable though I could try. I just don't know which way to go. I really wish this was a choice I could make at a later date. The timing is terrible! I just don't know what the right decision is. It has made me really think about what I want and need and it has made me contemplate a third direction just to make things harder. I don't know what I want to do... Sigh...

So many choices! What is the right one for me and my family??? I think I know what would be best but I am not quite ready for it yet!


 

Life is moving along...

It has been awhile. I am happy to say there was a Star and Tribune story on our friend Jim Moore who passed away. They received a reply from this couple he had been sending postcards too for years. He randomly picked their names out of the phone book from a small town in ND. He signed them with his first name and no return address and sent them from many locations during his travels. He thought people liked getting mail, real mail, not bills. The would spend so much time on the postcards and they were great. His main rule with this was then he would never outright lie, but he allowed himself to shade the truth pretty well. Turns out the people he sent these to had kept every one and thought it was someone they had met on their travels or an long lost relative which is what Jim hoped. It was a great story!

I also have a job though it is only 9 to 10 hours a week. I really love it and it is for a nonprofit! Now if only I could find a full time job or even better another part time job.

Sadly we lost another friend to a heart attack caused by a cancer medication. Sadly he seemed to be kicking the cancer.

Time passes so quickly...

I remember when I was young I always seemed to be waiting. Now that I am older I wish things would slow down sometimes. Of course some of the speed is happily due to my new job. A job I really love. Sadly though a close friend of our passed away at the beginning of this year and I wish he had had more time! We were so sad to loose him! His funeral was one of the best I have ever attended. He included a Sea Shantee in the service and then we found he had unexpectedly recorded himself talking to us. This brought everyone to tears all the while comforting us and making us laugh. It reminded me of last movie we went to after he had his bad news. I don't go in for comedies most of the time, mainly because of the physical violence. Jim needed cheering up and I decided we should go to Bridesmaids. It turned out to be a huge favorite for all of three of us! It made me laugh and cry at the same time! It brought a smile to the face of a man who didn't smile easily.  We heard many stories from many different periods of his life. Friends from 1st grade and newer. Heartwarming, funny stories. I still can't believe I won't be able to txt him on Fridays to meet up with our other friends. I think I might this weekend just because I want him to still feel welcome. I will always remember him riding his red Russian bike with the side car. Target shooting with him when he actually shot a fly that was sitting on the target because hitting the bulls eye was so easy it had become boring. Taking a very long road trip on his bike with his dad even though it won't go much over 55. Listening to music with him. Listening to his dating stories. Going to the movies with him. The three of us playing video games. Listening to him play his many guitars. And so much more. We always thought he would become a famous righter or photographer. One thing I will always regret is that is that his journals were stolen. They were irreplaceable! We still hope to see them published by the thief some day! Next year on the anniversary of his passing I plan to have a flannel night out in recognition of his love of flannel. In face he even wrote a story about flannel! I hope he knows he will not be forgotten wherever he is. :)

A very sad day!

A wonderful friend passed away lat night! So very sad. Cancer has taken another person from my life! Admittedly it does make me angry! So much should have been done and wasn't!!! It has been a year of such high hopes only to discover that the medical system which is suppose to be number one isn't! The numbers look good until you realize that patients that don't fit the bill are put off and treatments only available in other countries can only mentioned if asked about. Kind of pointless when you are going to a doctor as your expert! It is pretty hard to loos a friend that is younger than you by quite a few years!!! Not really the way things are suppose to go! Sadder still since he recently lost his father to cancer as well! Death isn't fair but no one should have to go though what so many do!

I remember when my grandmother called at midnight asking for help. Hers was the first cancer death though my grandfather had died of the horrible Parkinson disease well before she did. I didn't forgive my father for moving away for years after my grandfather died! I remember Carrie my fathers secretary (my favorite!) who was married and died shortly after of cancer. My bridesmaid Angie whose mother and sister had the same name as mine did, and show middle name was the same as mine. She died from skin cancer. My aunt who died from breast cancer. And so the list goes on!!!


This is a night of remembrance for me! We spent so many Fridays with Jim and other friends! So many movies, I don't know that I can bring myself to go to one anymore! I remember when Jim was so depressed of late and figuring he needed cheering up I suggested we should go to Bridesmaids. Not something I would normally see but I hoped it would cheer him up! It was wonderful!!! I remember once he game me a ride home when my husband couldn't. His car was stacked up with tons of things which he moved to the back seat. As we drove home everything fell on the floor at the stop sign. His first remark was to say he hated gravity! Such a funny guy!!! We always thought Jim would be a famous writer or photographer or both, but he didn't have enough time! There was the time someone stole his journals (or idea books as he called them!) So very sad!!! I don't know that he ever rewrote them all. He did rewrite his take on plaid!!! He loved plaid!!! He was an old fashioned man that loved swing dancing and his Russian WW2 bike! Always hoping to find the love of his life but never quite managing it! I though he had more time! Very old fashioned and yet so goofy!!! He and his friends ran the local Hibbing Paper one year when the owner was sent to jail! He sailed the high seas on the Rose from Master and commander. He once dreamed of quitting one of his jobs by coming in to work in a suit of armor and a cape and he did own a cape. He found a job he loved and stuck with it as long as he could after he was sick! He was a lovely man for whom I always wished the best! RIP Jim!!!

Christmas is rapidly approching...

This year I am doing a home made spiced Christmas. In other words I grew a bunch of sage and lemon thyme and I will be handing it out as gifts. I did manage to put together enough coupons and such to get the little ones some nice toys for very little money. Hopefully they will like them!

On the job front I have had several interviews but nothing has come of it so far. One of them was the same time as my husbands surgery, I should have changed it, but they said they were trying to hire right away so I didn't. I am certain I could have done a better job if I hadn't been so nervous of missing the surgery. It would have been awfully nice to have gotten a job for Christmas. I have signed up for a mock interview so hopefully I can do better in the future! Really hoping something else opens up because this year all I want for Christmas is a good job.

My husband had nose surgery last week which has been long awaited or in other words he finally did it! He was home for a week and pretty miserable. He had his stitches out yesterday and I was pretty amazed at the stints (Think that is the correct name). They were huge, I had no idea something that big could fit in the nose. I now understand how children can put such big things up their noses. Now that the healing process is really starting his nose is terribly itchy. Poor guy! I hope this heals up quickly though the doctor said it could take up to 2 months. He was able to breath while sleeping last night which is wonderful. He found that after the surgery he wasn't able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time, pretty terrible!!!

On the writing front I haven't done much. Hoping to get too it soon, but the past month was so terribly busy.  And with that I am off to wrap the few presents I will hand out.

Tonight was the hardest night of my life!!!!

We went to visit friend of ours who is dying. I will finally say it! Sigh... Something I didn't want to ever say for someone younger than I am. Not sure how anyone deals with this! It is one thing to loose a parent or grand parent which you know you will but to loose a younger friend or family member is so unprecedented! I am so very sad about it but yet he faces it with such dignity! If I could help in some little way it would be easier but there is no way to do this! We always went to movies together but somehow I don't know if I will ever go again! It is just too painful! Facing tomorrow with my husband parents coming for Thanksgiving when this is occurring is too much in many ways. How can a person be happy and so very sad? I would say at this point I am very angry! I have lost too much to cancer and no more is acceptable! I still remember my fathers secretaries funeral when I was young. She had been married and then almost right away developed very fast growing cancer. I lost one of my bridesmaids to skin cancer and my aunt to breast cancer. My grandmother died of this as well though we were told it wasn't something that ran in the family. I always will wonder as I learned later in life the wells in that part of the city were well over acceptable radon standards though the city said they were supposedly going to change soon! What sort of payoff was involved there? She was so very nice it was unimaginable to see her go from her wedding dress to her coffin It seems there are so many studies and nothing ever comes of them! I have looked into it and found while there is initial funding for the research there isn't money to take it further. In the end I really think we the people need to stand up for what we really need/want and stop paying for these half assed treatments and look for a real cure! Sorry to rant but I have really had enough!!! I hope someone else out there who can do something about it feels the same!

The last days of summer...

The last days of summer or at least I like to think that. Hate to think it is fall and soon to follow the never ending snow. I was feeling pretty good today then our dishwasher went out. Irritating but I was rolling with the punches until I received a call that a job I hoping to apply for was probably going to be taken by a friend. All and all a pretty disappointing day! I haven't received a call back from an interview which pretty much means no dice. I also sent a application out for my dream job and have had no reply at all. It's just tough! Hard to find the good points of late especially being almost two years out of work. I wonder if this is a sign to take a new route through life? I don't know what that means yet but I think instead of looking for my place in the order of things I have to make my own place! I think I need to find what is unique about me! I am not sure how I can do that. Do I make a checklist? Do I find a self help book that answers all of my questions? Most importantly how do you find yourself on a budget?